Frustration and spilling my guts

Does life ever seem like it gets more and more frustrating the more and more you fight to get control!  I work hard everyday to make plans and map out my life on lists, and plans.  I do finances on every piece of paper and napkins and check my math over and over again.  It always looks positive, like my life is moving in the right direction but then a few days later it is getting worse not better.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life, I love my boyfriend, and I love our family.  I'm just frustrated with our situation right now.  Our future looks bright, and promising but right now our roads are rocky and treacherous.  I am looking for another job right now that will pay better or have better hours.  It is really necessary for Jeremy and I's relationship.  Jeremy had a job interview today for an 8 to 5 job and I work at nights.  I would never seem him and that does not work for me at all.  But I have lots of hope that finding a job will come sometime soon. 


Jeremy and I have been talking about having a baby for the last 6 months, and even tried for a while to have a baby.  I have a condition that makes it really hard for me to pregnant and it will take a lot of trying for us to ever have a baby.  The last little while I have had a hard time with the fact that it seems like there are all kinds of babies around me.  People that I've known for years are having babies, friends are having babies, even girls I babysat are having babies and I have always wanted one and I don't.  I know it seems silly and selfish but I have always wanted to be a mother, I have always felt like I would be a good mom.  And the opportunity to raise a child and teach them to be a good person, to have the opportunity to show them how to treat people, and how to be a positive part of society.  Anyway, Jeremy and I talked lately about how we are going to make this happen, and I think we finally we have come to a real understanding.  I think once life becomes a little more stable and things are looking up we are gonna try again, and really try this time.  If that doesn't work I'm thinking about adoption.  I don't know a lot about adoption but I have been reading a bunch of stuff online about adoptions and it looks promising.  All I know is I want a family and I want to be a mom.  


Today, is just today, but tomorrow has lots to offer and we never really knows what it will offer.  Sometimes its more than we could imagine, sometimes its something difficult that we have to find new strength to work through, and sometimes its something nothing you'd ever guessed you would get in life.  Life is just life, it's hard, and easy, it's tough and complicated, it's simple and stressful, but it's also fun, and satisfying.  


That's all I want to vomit on this page today.

Rough Roads

Have you ever felt like you are drowning but can see the surface.  That is exactly how I feel, and have felt for the last 2 months or so.  I get so frustrated about money when it just doesn't come enough, and frequently.  I feel like I can see the end but its just far enough away that it makes me crazy.  I can see us getting out of debt here shortly but for now I am just getting frustrated.  But I have a plan, and a plan is good way to start digging yourself out of debt.  It's a good plan that will work, but it is going to take a minute to get started.  I have a job, Jeremy is looking for a job, and the truck is moving and making money!

We are also trying to move out of Grandma's house and find a place of our own but that is seriously a hard thing right now.  We do not want to move into an apartment if we don't have to, but we wouldn't mind a townhouse or a small house for rent for the next couple years.  But looking for somewhere to live is a pain in the ass.  We have a dog and we will not give her up for anything.  So that means who ever we rent from has to allow pets and then the deposit is way more too, but Bryndle is totally worth it.  

Anyway that is my bit of venting for today.  Now I have to go get ready for work!!  Ciao