New Day

I can honestly say that I feel good.  I've moved past most of the darkness and have been doing really well.  I still think about him everyday.  I don't miss him for the most part.  No more dreams and no more tears.  I've actually been pretty angry the last week.  But anger won't help me so I'm trying to ignore those things.  I have lots of flashbacks and think of our memories often.  Sometimes I even wonder if he's thinking about me but I know that's futile.  Why would he, he's busy in someone else's bed, with her baby.  


My drug dosages and calculations class is over on Friday when I take the final.  Yay!  Super excited/nervous.  I start taking Medical Terminology probably next week.  I have to take it online which I'm not too happy about but maybe I can speed through it quicker.  I don't know.  It sounds like I'm going back to Pizza Hut.  I'm desperate for a job and it's the only job I'm pretty much guaranteed.  Sucks but income is income and I can't be picky.  I got stuck with more debt than I ever wanted or deserved but then again, you never know what people will do.  I have to start somewhere to get out of it.  


I've gone back to church recently.  Trying to find some kind of peace in all my misery.  I've met some new people and found some friends.  Every time I go I seem to meet more and more people.  I've spoken with the Bishop and he is more than understanding and comforting.  I feel like my heart heals even more when I'm there.  I get out more during the week with all the activities.  I'm meeting people my age and spending time with young adults.  It's nice.  I feel supported and respected.  I don't know how to explain how much that means to me.  I've kept my past to myself.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me or avoid me like the plague.  But for now, I'm starting to feel myself become happy again.  I worry about the future still.  I wonder if I'll always be single, if I'll ever have a family, if I'll ever be able to move out of here (i hope so).  But I'm content lately.  I still feel the sting everyday but it doesn't hurt as much anymore.  It's a good thing.