Feeling Down

When all is said and done, how do you feel happy?  It's so hard to start feeling like I'm in a good place and then get kicked back down to the ground and made to feel like I'm just as unimportant as the next person.  I spend a lot of time trying to make myself a better person and a happier person but I'm not anyone's number one.  There are always more important people to everyone else.  That is hard.  I used to be someone's number one.  I used to be loved.  I used to have someone to go to for anything and made me feel better.  Now, he makes someone else feel better when they are sad.  And what about me?  Who loves me?  Who is there for me?  I'm there for me.  I'm the only one that is gonna look out for me.  Even the people I love the most have more important things than having a relationship with me or spend time with me.  It's so hard sometimes.  I'm trying to move forward with my life but maybe, I'll always have this mentality that I have to look out for only myself.  I'm ready to move forward.  To find someone to care who I can care about as well.  I'm looking but I don't know if I'll ever find them or if I do find them if they'll give me the time of day or the chance that I want.  Still waiting....