Future

Do you think that you can really rise above all that is thrown in front of you?  Can you come back after the world crashes down over your head?  Can you achieve all you dreamed and be happy for the rest of your life without having a million "what ifs"?  I look down the road.  I know what I want to do and what I want to achieve and I picture myself in 10 years with all things I want, but is that a reality?  Can it really happen?  Is it really what I want or will I find regret when I have everything I want?  I want to go to school and work in the medicine.  I want to love my job.  I want to find real love.  A man who will love me unconditionally and spend his days making me happy, someone who makes me smile and laugh and me spend my days doing the same.  I want 3 children.  A boy and 2 girls (although this can alter a bit lol).  I want to be financially secure.  Not rich by any means but I want to be able to pay the bills and still have a little left over at the end of the month, and a little in savings.  I want to be a happy family that has picnics on Saturday afternoons.  I want the day to end and I want to be able to smile with all that I have in my life.  But is it something that I can actually have, or will have?  My life seems like a whirlwind of questions, fears, and complications.  I've never felt so lost or so afraid of what my life will be.  Will I be alone for the rest of my life?  Will I never achieve what I want?  Will I spend my life full of regrets and under achieved dreams?  I've never been so afraid of what the future holds, or how my life might turn out.  It's so frustrating.  I have spent the few days contemplating what I want out of life.  I have a very good idea of what I want.  I know the important things that I want, and know the things that I don't want.  But now that I know these things I'm afraid of not getting them.  I trying to live one day at a time and tackle the small things that I encounter everyday but maybe that will leave me regretting the big things that I never tried to conquer.  It's like texas hold'em.  You never know if what you're betting will be worth it until all the cards are out on the table.  I can only see what I have on the table right now and I'm betting all that I have, on the hope that I'll win, that I'll get it all in return.  I'm so afraid to see the other cards on the table.