Another Day...

Today was just another day.  No big deal, or epiphanies.  Just trying to deal with all the stress in my world.  I applied for so many jobs this last week and was so hopeful that I would hear back from at least one but no such luck yet.  It is awful.  I really need a job and to start getting caught up on what debt I have.  I feel really helpless and like I am not contributing.  I want to start working again to get caught up on my world and get back on my feet.  This sucks so much.  On a good note I do start my first class tomorrow.  I'm so excited to start and get going on all of this and get my Medical Assisting done as soon as possible.  I went to church today.  The second week in a row.  I don't know how I feel about it quite yet.  I'm worried I'm gonna spend all this time "going back" and then decide it's just not for me or that my status as "used goods" in the church, I'll never get married or have a chance at a family or moving forward with my life.  I don't want to be stuck in this stage of life forever.  I want to move forward in my life but I don't know that they will see me worth their time.  I've been thinking about Jeremy today too.  I've been wondering if he is happy.  I've been wondering if he is thinking about our memories.  I worry he'll forget me.  I don't need or even want him to love me anymore but I hope he won't forget me.  We have had such amazing memories.  One day, right after we moved into our trailer, there were people still living there and we had moved with Katelynn and Shana and Shana's friend who owned the house before us.  We were all in the living room and either watching TV or hanging out (can't really remember) and we were all laughing and just having a good time.  Jeremy and I were standing behind the couches close to the kitchen counter.  I looked over at him and he was looking at me.  I smiled at him and he grabbed my by the arm and pulled me into the kitchen and pinned me up against the counter and kissed me.  He kissed me like no one ever had.  It was perfect and it took my breath away.  He pulled away and then hugged me and I don't think I have ever felt so loved and wanted than that moment right then and there.  I won't ever forget that memory along with many others, I just don't want him to forget those moments because they were important to me.    That's all today.